Gett'in Real

I admit this blog has been blah again!  Ugh!  I had HIGH hopes that when I started this new blog it would just take off.  Well, it hasn't...obviously!  Honestly, I have been trying to come up with how to explain the lack of blogging.  I think some of it is I just wasn't making time and my desire was low to none.  But, when I dig a little deeper it comes down to just writing in general.  Writing for me, has been a way I process and deal with the things of life.  When I write usually it just comes and comes and I don't have to think too much about it.  Lately, that has not been the case at all.

I shut down emotionally...okay, I said it.

I didn't want to write because I didn't want to deal with all the hurt from my mom's death and all that she would be missing.

I didn't want to feel deeply because I was tired of hurting deeply.

I was shutting down a core part of my being.  I wasn't letting God use me the way He has wired and created me to.

If you know me, you know I am a crier.  I cry at commercials, I cry when a friend tells me a hurt, I cry when I think of anything sad, and I cry just to cry!  But, it all stopped one day.  I liken it to the movie The Holiday.  Remember when Cameron Diaz says she hasn't cried in however long and she kept trying to make herself cry?  Well, that was me.  I built a callous on my heart and just wouldn't let myself go there.  As the year passed, I realized I wasn't me.  I was shutting out nearly everyone on a deep level, living on the surface, and not letting God touch my heart and hold me in His hands.

And, then I got really self-conscious about my writing and sharings of my heart.  It wasn't because I had any bad feedback or anything.  It was just because all of a sudden I felt too exposed.  But, this is my story, my life, my journey, my God story and I should not feel ANY shame and in the end my dear dear hope is that others can find encouragement.

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook page recently and it reminded me that I don't need to do life "alone" or hidden. There is no shame!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Here's to new "life" on my little ol' blog!

Stay tuned for more!